Go Go Go Go...

Seems like that's been the theme of my life lately..."go"

I can't say I mind being busy - if you know me at all (and I'm going to venture to say that you do), you know I keep myself pretty busy, and I like it that way. But there are times I just say "this is too much right now." These last couple weeks might be a good example of that. School has been crazy busy - the week or two before I go up for class, I'm doing work almost every night after work for hours. Work has been up and down, but when it's up, it's way up and I'm busy all day long.

My schedule in a normal week looks like the following:
S - Church, soccer game, watch football, study
M - Work, work out, study
T - Work, work out, small group, study
W - Work, work out and/or softball game, study
T - Work, work out, study
F - Work, work out, have fun and/or study
S - Watch football, run errands/do chores, study possibly
Every 3-4 weeks, I go up to Gainesville for class from 7:30 am - 5:30 pm all day on Saturday and Sunday, which - let me tell you - is exhausting.

Last weekend I had to head up to Madison, WI for my grandpa's (Mom's dad) funeral. It was bittersweet....sad because we all loved him and he was an amazing man. My grandma is going to miss him so much - they were married for 60 years. Yet, he was so excited to be going to see his Father in Heaven. He couldn't stop telling people how ready he was, and not to be sad. Yet we have trouble in all our selfishness accepting that - that we were actually created to be THERE, not HERE, and we want to keep those we love here...instead of making every effort to ensure we'll all see each other in Heaven someday. I think you start to understand that as you near your own death - at least I can imagine you do.

Now I'm heading up to Oklahoma City this weekend for my OTHER grandpa's 90th birthday...pretty crazy that people live so long nowadays. I'm excited to see this whole side of the family. I was telling my siblings last weekend that I won't recognize a single one of my cousin's on this side of the family - not an exaggeration. It'll be a quick trip, but I know my grandpa will be honored. I want to see these grandparents I have left as much as possible before I lose them. I often think about how I'll be the only one of my immediate family not to have my grandparents present at my wedding (which looks to be in the distant future), let alone the birth of my children. Its sad. One of those selfish things which I'll have to get over, but I guess I can't control the timing of my life.

I look back and laugh at how I have absolutely no idea where my life will be 6 months from any given point...I can't say its a bad thing - I just need to get used to not knowing everything.

Closing thought: We often think of God and we think of how several places in the Bible it says some people will experience eternal separation from God, then in other places it will tell us that no one shall know death, and we wonder "how is our God a just God?" How does it even make sense? If our God is so full of grace, why does ANYone perish...and why do we have all these laws and "rules" to abide by if God wants to save EVERYone? Maybe we just have no clue what "justice" means...maybe that's the point. We simply need to accept that our idea of justice might not be God's idea of justice, and the fact that we don't understand it should come as no surprise. After all, He's God. And our job? Love people.