Wednesday, July 28, 2010

"Real World: Baldwin Park" Premiere Party

I thought you would enjoy the invitation I sent out to my friends at the request of my buddy Matt for me to write the invite for him...I have a history of composing these for the crew:

Loyal Viewers,

I hope this electronic notification finds you well-rested, healthy, and ready for a new season of your favorite television show – the “Real World.” Our team of experts worked tirelessly, both day and night, weekdays and weekends – they acted like they worked for Lockheed Martin, to be honest – to select this seasons location for our wildly popular reality show. This year will be unlike any other year. Rather than choosing a full cast to be announced on the season premiere episode, we are taking a ground-breaking new approach. We have selected three actors to reveal in the first show, and throughout the season, the full cast will be brought into the story at the most unexpected times.

As for the location, we wanted to choose a place where the people are all beautiful, where the wealth seems unending like a stream from the BP under-water oil pipeline, where no person can be seen in public wearing anything other than a smile, a perfect tan, and muscles toned straight from a Health & Fitness magazine. This haven seemed the perfect place to plant the drama, the chaos, the late-night mischief, and everything else you’ve learned to love from the “Real World.”

This being your formal invitation (yes, you) to the Premiere Party of the 2010 season of the show, we want to give you the first look at the cast you will come to love, hate, adore, despise, and every emotion in between…on a weekly basis. Without further ado…

David “Hands” Herskovitz
This car washer turned financial mogul turned bodybuilder turned trained assassin brings the spice to the party like no one else. Nicknamed “Hands,” he has been seen holding his signature energy drinks while completing such feats as climbing the Eiffel Tower, wrestling live mongooses, and eating restaurants out of business. Don’t ask him where he’ll be tonight, or any other night, because he doesn’t know yet – but you can be sure that wherever you find him, he will be finding some way to WIN.

Garret “Pockets” Lumley
“Pockets” is known by several names, in several places, but one thing is unquestionable – this guy loves to party. This Colorado native fits the bill as the party-starter, party-finisher, and everything in between. He specifically chose a career which would allow him to preserve all energy which would otherwise be spent on partying, laughing, or even smiling. You’ll often find him dancing on the hood of a sports car, shirtless, pantless, wearing red shoes, screaming “Straight Cash Homie.” If you don’t get it, don’t worry. You won’t.

Matt “Playa” Price
The legend of Thibodaux makes his way to the Sunshine State, and he brings the swagger of a don, the pride of a bengal, and the poise to make it rain like PacMan. He slangs code by day, slangs ladies by night, and slangs dollas all day errday. He brings the heat to the table, and has been known to be set off at a moment’s notice, making him the most volatile member of the current “Real World” house. But don’t worry, when you step to him, you step to a whole crew. Don’t come up on Price suspectin’ to get your way – he’d soon as just bust you in the mouth, take your lady, and drop a bill on you as a donation for the attempt. He can be found at your local spot, buyin’ shots and keeping the party rollin’.

Now that you know the cast, get excited as you will only catch the drama, the excitement, and the twists and turns by watching every Saturday night at 7:30 pm. You’ll meet new cast members each week, and who knows, we might just introduce a few at the Premiere Party THIS SATURDAY NIGHT, July 31, 2010 at 7:30 pm.

As V.I.P. guests, you will be granted exclusive access to the “Real World” house in Baldwin Park, as well as hot entertainment and the latest fashion Central Florida has to offer.

The house is located at 1540 Lake Baldwin Lane (Unit A) in Orlando.

All that we ask of you is to bring some of your favorite beverage refreshment to share, as well as a snack to share, and you will be provided with the full exclusive package (including full keg access) from 7:30 pm through the end of the evening.

Don’t miss this opportunity to meet the first cast members, mingle with other V.I.P. guests from across the country, and be on the front end of the next chapter of live reality TV.

To all concerned that their swag may be swindled by the presence of the notorious B.I.R.D., please be advised that his invitation was cancelled upon the sponsorship of Cash Money, Inc. This event, though not a Palooza-sponsored event, aims to take back the excitement lost in the party and fashion scene once Baldwin allowed Jonathan Robin to purchase a residence, and to replace it with the intensity and hype it rightfully should enjoy.

We look forward to your presence, and make sure you take your blood pressure medicine in advance, because this, my friends, is going to get REAL.

Call the don of the party, Mr. Price, with any questions, but only if they pertain to the following subjects: When do I party? How do I optimize my partying? When, if ever, do I stop partying? Can I party with you?

The number is 407-404-2559.

See you this Saturday. July 31. 7:30 PM. You won’t want to miss it. You just won’t.